Category: Personal Questions

What did you do when you saw a shoplifter steal?

Completely by accident, I stopped a shoplifter – with the Power Of Voice.

I was doing a teacher training exercise for my PGCE at a museum, with my toddler along due to a childcare fail. He had been Such a Good Boy that I decided to buy him a treat in the shop as we left. At this point, he dropped all pretence of being a Good Boy, running riot through the aisles demanding All The Things. So, as I finally got to the checkout with more treats than intended, I was In A Mood. The checkout assistant popped his treats into a paper bag and handed it to the Darling Little Boy, who promptly scooted for the door as I waited for the card machine to connect with Jupiter or Arrakis, or wherever the Heck the payment authorisation takes place.

Just as he got to the exit, I uttered “Get Back Here NOW” in The Voice, known only to Irish Mammies, teachers, and the Bene Gesserit. This had the desired effect of causing him to spin round and return to me.

Right on his heels, however, was a teenager who had also been exiting, with some goods he had not paid for. He handed them meekly to the checkout assistant, apologised to both of us, and left.

The checkout assistant and I just about held ourselves together until he was out of sight before falling about laughing.

What should I do if my boyfriend is trying to force me to wear a hijab?

I am willing to convert, but don’t want to be forced to wear a hijab. I am a Westerner and really not into hijabs, although I respect women who choose to wear it. I don’t feel that it is for me.

The problem here is not the item of clothing or the religion, it’s the demand.

How would you feel about a (non-religious) boyfriend who demands that you stop wearing makeup? Heels, especially if they make you taller than him? Short skirts, low-cut tops? Would you think it was okay, just how he is, or would you think him controlling, unreasonable, potentially abusive?

I have no problem with wearing a hijab if that’s what you want – growing up in Ireland in the 1960s-1980s, plenty of women wore headscarves outside the home, and there are days when I wish I could just throw on a burqa and go about my business. But if you don’t want to do so, that’s your choice.

It’s also your choice whether or not to convert, and you should only do so if you really mean it. Converting for appearances is insulting to yourself and the faith to which you convert – and that insincerity will only add to the problems within the relationship.

How do I stop speaking harsh with my father?

i am jobless depressed women. my father scolds me with harsh words,as if i am useless.I work hard in home,mother is bedridden since teenage.i am aggressive,if a man scolds me treats me like scum,i get very frustrated,because i am very hard worker.

I think you have two possibilities.

  1. Write a list of all the things you do about the home. Make it as detailed as you can. Also, if possible, prepare a list of all the things you are doing to find work, and a list of your qualifications for work. Prepare yourself to be calm and sensible, and present these lists to your father. You may have to leave home to get a job, and you may not be able to do all the housework and take care of your mother even if you find work locally. You and your father are going to need to discuss what happens in either case. Just the fact that you are making plans, may make your father less critical, especially when he considers the cost of hiring a housekeeper/nurse.
  2. You could leave home and look for a job elsewhere. Obviously, this may be difficult, unless you have relatives you can stay with until you find work. However, it might be worth the effort, for your own peace of mind, and it may give you new hope in life – and a new job!

Good luck!

Do you believe the statement that we’re supposed to connect with just one person throughout our lives?

Or the concept of soulmates ?

No. This is a horrifically co-dependent concept. If two people are so thoroughly absorbed in each other, they wouldn’t need any others in their lives – not even their own children.

Moreover, it’s really quite silly to think there’s only one ‘The One’. What if they’re living on the other side of the world? in an unknown Amazonian tribe? what if you’re Jewish, and they’re Iranian? what if they get killed in a car crash before you meet? What if they’re 80 when you’re born, or vice versa? What if they’re your uncle or aunt?

How can I make true friendships?

Do true friendships exist? Or does everyone act in their own interest?

If you feel lonely, I would question whether or not you’re a true introvert.

Introverts have high levels of ‘internal’ stimulation. Very simply, their brains are physiologically more active (NB: this doesn’t mean they’re smarter – it’s biological, not intellectual), so they do not normally seek out external stimulation – i.e., social activity. They’re usually quite content with their own company, and perhaps a small number of close friends with whom they’re not necessarily in regular or frequent contact. Introverts do sometimes engage in social interaction and can be the life and soul of the party, but they generally pay for it later through exhaustion, hiding away from people for a few days to ‘unwind’.

The fact that you feel lonely suggests that you’re actually an extrovert. If that’s the case, you may be socially awkward rather than introverted. You may benefit from supported social interaction – clubs or societies, such as drama clubs, LARPing societies, debate societies, etc., where social interaction is required, but also scripted or regulated. Acting in a play gives you a script and a set of rules to follow when interacting, but getting to the acting part also involves discussion, negotiation, persuasion, assessment, etc., all of which promote closer real-world interaction and mutual trust and support. Unlike a less-structured social interaction – hanging out at a party, for example – all the actors and technical people have to consider and communicate with each other for the whole thing to work properly and to everyone’s satisfaction.

Start with a club that reflects your own interests, and see how that works out.

Should I learn to knit, or crochet?

I recently decided to quit smoking and need something to occupy my hands. As I am good with my hands, knitting and crocheting seem like good hobbies to try out. What is the main difference though? Can you make the same kind of things with both? I should mention I’m a total noob with this. I’ve never attempted either before.

Try both. I’m bi-craftual, but some people find one craft virtually impossible to learn: for example, people who are extremely ‘right-handed’ (relying almost entirely on their right hand) find crochet hard because you’re supposed to hold the yarn in a cat’s cradle in the left hand. Similarly, extreme ‘hand dominance’ can make knitting tricky, depending on which hand holds the yarn, and/or the knitting style used.

Check out Youtube for different yarn-holds and knitting styles – British / Continental / German / combination / Eastern / Portuguese / Peruvian / Irish cottage / lever / knife hold / pen hold or parlour knitting / picking / flicking / throwing / pit-knitting / Yorkshire or sheath or supported knitting, etc.

Consider also learning spinning – just as portable as knitting or crochet with a drop spindle or Mayan spinner.

If you had the power to bring people back to life, but you aged 1 year every time you used it, how many times would you use it?

This is kind of a sad question for me.

In my country, suicide is the main cause of death among men aged 18–24 and 54+. It’s also a major cause of death for young women. Road traffic accidents claim another horrifying toll.

By the time I was 25, I had lost 25 school and childhood friends to suicide and RTAs. There’s been more since, but I just stopped counting.

I realise that the suicides didn’t want to live, but I also know that none of them got the support they needed, ever. Not just that they didn’t get help at the right time – they never got any help, period. And I think that was such a waste.

So I’d bring them all back, including the suicides so they could get the help they were denied. And my lovely grandmother, and my dad, even though he’d just ignore me as usual.

Unfortunately, as I’m 50 now, I wouldn’t get to spend much time with them. But it would be worth it.